I explore the joys and complications of consensual non-monogamy with therapist and media maker Sarah Stuteville, who produces the popular Seattle-based podcast, Mistakes Were Made, about relationships, politics, mental health, and non-monogamy.

Stuteville’s private practice specializing in therapy with LGBTQ and non-monogamous populations, the long-running podcast she hosts with her husband, and her own non-monogamous marriage give her distinctive expertise in the diversity and complexity of polyamorous relationships.

What follows is an interview focusing on preparing for and potentially practicing consensual non-monogamy. Answers to the first question are separated into central themes.

Robert Kraft: What suggestions can you offer to people just beginning a non-monogamous relationship?

Therapy and Other Forms of Support

Sarah Stuteville: First, I suggest that if you have the resources, you invest in therapy. If you are a couple moving from monogamy to non-monogamy, I recommend a relationship therapist with experience working with polyamorous people. Whoever you are, it’s likely that the experience of exploring non-monogamy will bring up challenging feelings—from communication style and attachment to identity and sexual expression.

What’s more, people who’ve spent much of adulthood as monogamous can find themselves emotionally thrust back into earlier stages of development, often around the time when they were last dating. This is an experience that's thrilling and full of discovery but also requires extra support.

In addition to therapy, support should come from building community with other non-monogamous people and safely talking about non-monogamy with friends and loved ones already in your life. Exploring polyamory in secret can be tempting because of the cultural judgment you might face, but doing it in isolation is far more difficult.

Moving Forward With Non-Monogamy

SS: I also encourage people to find a balance in........

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