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When boys feel that they matter, they can begin to discover the value of doing good for others.

Don’t just tell boys they matter. Let them experience mattering.

Responsibility for the common good creates a moral purpose which is motivating.

Rules, boundaries, setbacks and difficulties should not be removed from our boys' lives. These challenges create the optimal conditions to learn, adapt and build the skills to grow. When a boy struggles and eventually finds a way through, he learns more than the skill itself. He learns a different story: Maybe I can do difficult things. And even more powerfully, Maybe I have worth and something to offer my world.

Challenge is essential for growth.

Boys still absorb powerful negative messages about masculinity: Cope on your own, don’t be vulnerable and don’t ask for help. These work against trying and failing, or even attempting. For modern parents and teachers, rather than removing difficulties, we must help our boy find ways to ask for help and find the resources he needs. And rather than simply saying, You need to ask for help when you get stuck, or Work through it, you can offer a greater motivation—a higher purpose, greater than the problem or the person, something for someone else.

This is the power of moral purpose.

When I was younger, a boy in my class was unbelievably badly behaved. All of the things he did—undermining the teacher, being dishonest with his parents,........

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