People usually communicate in layers of increasing openness. As they feel more trusting of another, they share more of who they are. When people have known each other for a long time and their trust in one another has grown, they are more likely to share more vulnerable experiences. But when they are just getting to know each other, they are understandably reticent to risk their more vulnerable selves.

Because of this understandable hesitancy, many people limit their initial communication to superficial and safe statements until trust has been established. Sadly, the time it takes for those interactions to be more authentic may be too long, ending many relationships that might have had potential.

So many people have asked me if there was a way to know a person more deeply in a short period of time without unknowingly violating boundaries. What subjects are reasonable to inquire about and which might be inappropriate? How can you know if the other person is welcoming of your interest?

It all depends on the mindset of the inquirer. If that person’s goal is to see if the other meets a preset qualification list, they will essentially be conducting an emotional job interview. That falls into the category of “vetting” someone.

If, on the other hand, they are genuinely interested in the other........

© Psychology Today