The following is a dialogue between two people that may feel eerily familiar to you. That is because we have all ended up in damaging disagreements caused by the misunderstanding of a word or phrase that may be misconstrued because of the difference in reaction that each person has to it.

In this case, the male partner grew up abused, neglected, and terribly poor. He fought to get to the top of his law firm on the East Coast. The female partner grew up pampered and safe, naïve, and trusting. They began this fight in front of me.

She: (tearing up) “You are so brutal. You say things that hurt my feelings, and you don’t care.”

He: (angry) “Don’t you ever call me brutal. You have no idea what that even means. I’m honest. I’m authentic. I may be direct. I am not brutal. Never call me that again.”

She: “But you’re mean, and your words are like knives, and you never say you’re sorry. You tell me you love me, but you break my heart over and over. How can I believe you?”

He: “I do everything in the world for you. I protect you. I have your back. I fight your battles. I keep you safe. If that’s not love, what the hell do you think it is?”

She: (crying). "You are yelling at me right now when you go off like you are now. You might protect me from others, but not from you. You are mean."

He: “Maybe you should stop being so damn sensitive.”

It went on for a while. Then silence. They........

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