What Is Emotion Regulation?

Take our Emotional Intelligence Test

Find a therapist near me

Responding to criticism with defensiveness is a common stress reaction.

Your initial stress reaction will pass; take a moment to breathe and engage in stress-reducing activities.

After recovering, you can work with the person who criticized you to solve the problem.

Read any advice column, and you’ll find letter after letter asking for help with delivering criticism to a friend, colleague, or family member. “How can I tell my brother he’s hurting my feelings?” “How can I tell my coworker her breath smells?”

What if the hurtful brother or the malodorous coworker—the person on the receiving end of the criticism—is you?

In theory, if the person criticizing you is someone you care about and value your relationship with, you would respond with perfect calm and grace. You would thank the person for raising the issue, hear them out, and try to do better.

In reality? Blood rushes to your ears. Your heart pounds. You feel shame, anger, resentment, or confusion. You’re reminded of all the times in your childhood when you were harshly criticized. Your first instinct is to deny the criticism and defend yourself.

How can you reconcile........

© Psychology Today