Take our Depression Test

Find a therapist to heal from grief

After losing a loved one, we cling to associated objects.

These often act as proxy substitutes or reminder cues.

Item attachment can be really healthy or unhealthy.

When a loved one dies, relatives tend to cling to keepsakes—a pair of glasses, a woolly jumper, a bunny mug, or a gold bangle. After all, it's a normal part of grieving.

Yet the grief-stricken can quickly fixate on certain items that acquire new significance. Families can argue as easily over an ashtray as a million-dollar inheritance.

Do "things" really help the bereaved to cope?

Why We Cling to Things

My 82-year-old mother joined our COVID bubble and never left. Like a parent, I woke up every day worrying. Had she taken her tablets? Had she fallen? Was the carer late? When she died last month, that vigilance stopped overnight.

At that exact moment, we lose human cues and gravitate to what’s left. Objects become one way of maintaining what bereavement researchers call a "continuing bond"—a psychological connection with the deceased that activates our experiences, feelings, and memories.

You know you won't forget a loved one, yet their signature voice, their laugh, and their gestures still fade over time. While jewelry, clothing, or furniture cannot fill the hole left behind, they serve as retrieval cues.

We crave something small enough to wear or carry that retrieves something larger and more........

© Psychology Today