Why do we humans make small talk? We spend a lot of time worrying about how to chit-chat amusingly or captivatingly. We complain when it seems trivial or a waste of time, and we bemoan the stress of a classic cocktail party where such talk is the order of the day because we may be meeting a number of people for the first time.

And yet we go on doing it. Classes are taught in how to do it well. Cultural mavens dictate what is appropriate and what is not. Books are written on the art of meeting people, making small talk, and connecting with your work colleagues socially.

It can all be very stressful. Yet, the phrase itself, “small talk,” hints that it’s not a big deal. But we pour a lot of seriousness into it anyway. I’ve even coached self-identified introverts in the secret arts of small talk. We identify some topics that the person might feel comfortable........

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