In the last article, I discussed the deep-seated fears associated with telling the truth and why disruption and potential loss of connection in a relationship can feel like death. And furthermore, why these fears are so deep in our wiring; why our nervous system goes on high alert at the idea of sharing an unwanted truth, often when the threat we feel doesn’t match the reality of the situation. At the root of our unwillingness to tell the truth is our strongest and most primal drive—the drive to survive. Put simply, we want to stay alive, and so we learn to alter our truth to make other people happy, which then makes other people want to be around us and love us. If other people stay, we’re safe—we will survive.

But there is a way through this fear—to tell the truth with your fear present, and not deny or force the fear away or shut down your truth altogether. There is a way through that allows you to be more honest and less afraid of conflict and potential disapproval. There is a way through that includes the courage to be disliked. With compassion for your own nervous system and the deeply-wired terror that comes with the potential loss of connection, there is a way to live more honestly. It’s possible to be more forthcoming even with unwanted truths, and........

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