A previous post summarized the many myths about desire differences and the sex-therapy approach to resolving them—using either self-help or professional therapy. The sex-therapy program helps many couples—but not all. Recently, Canadian researchers reported an effective new approach: eight weeks of group therapy that produced significant benefits. It’s based on reimagining lovemaking to facilitate sex worth wanting.

Back in 2005, the Canadian team was not focused on desire differences. They wanted to understand what produces fantastic sex for long-term couples. They interviewed 64 longtime spouses who said they had great sex and asked them what produced it. The participants included 33 men, 30 women, and one transgender man. Their ages ranged from 23 to 82 (average age 57). They cited eight major elements of superlative sex:

Some of the hot-sex long-term lovers also valued two additional elements, but called them less important than The Big Eight:

The Canadian team’s work led to a fine book, Magnificent Sex: Lessons From Extraordinary Lovers by Peggy Kleinplatz, Ph.D., and A. Dana Menard, Ph.D. It also led them to wonder if the eight (plus two) elements of........

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