Nearly every parent has been given at one time or another the well-intentioned, but ultimately unhelpful, advice to “cherish every moment with your kids; they grow up so fast.” Yes, the years go by quickly in hindsight, but telling parents to appreciate every moment can invalidate the day-to-day challenges of parenting. Additionally, it can create unrealistic standards that can add pressure and make it more difficult to actually appreciate time with your kids. This article explores the psychological impact of this “appreciation pressure” and offers insights into achieving a more balanced, realistic, and ultimately rewarding way to parent.

Parenting blogs, social media platforms, and well-meaning family members frequently emphasize the importance of savoring every moment of parenthood. The problem is that this advice is coming from the perspective of those viewing things in hindsight through the lens of nostalgia. While the sentiment is valid—they miss the time when their kids were young—this adage generally does not serve parents who are in the thick of parenting. Instead, it either is brushed aside to be processed at a later time when life may be less chaotic and stressful or it adds layers of guilt on top of the frustration, boredom, sadness, and other negative emotions that are natural parts of parenting in addition to the joy, love, awe, and other positive emotions experienced.

In other words, when parents start to........

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