A “gray divorce” refers to the phenomenon of older adults, typically aged 50 and above, ending their marriages. Many wonder why a couple that has stayed together for so long would only realize much later in life that they aren’t right for each other.

However, it is essential to remember that people can learn what’s right or wrong for them at any point in their lives and that, sometimes, it takes years to act on such a life-changing realization.

So, what finally leads to their breaking point after years together? A recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships explored the experiences of 44 divorcees—60 years and older—and found that there is usually a two-phase process behind the timing of late-life divorces.

Here are two reasons why long-term marriages end in gray divorce, according to the study.

Researchers found that the first phase leading up to a gray divorce often involves long-term dissatisfaction in the marriage, with couples staying together nonetheless.

Ex-spouses reported growing apart due to instances of infidelity, verbal abuse and being controlled by the other person, realizing their incompatibility due to differences of character and a lack of communication or going through personal development, which created distance between them when their partner did not want to pursue the same path.

This dissatisfaction motivated them to seek a divorce, but they often stayed together longer for their children and due to being financially dependent on their spouse, adhering to the social norms of their time and avoiding the stigma associated with divorce.

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