Old-school romance is long gone. We’re now living in an era of flamboyant declarations of love, with regular candlelit dinners and lavish surprise trips being the center of it. But in truth, most lasting relationships aren’t sustained by these loud exhibitions of love. They flourish in the quiet “we” moments: the shared intimate glances, the inside jokes, the cups of tea made just the way your partner likes it.

This is “micro-romance:” the art of sustaining love through small, intentional acts of emotional connection. It’s less about doing something extraordinary, and more about doing the ordinary with awareness and affection. The difference, however, is that it isn’t as performative as most other romantic gestures. Rather, it’s perceptive.

Here are the three steps to making micro-romance the norm in your relationship.

We think that most couples fall out of love when the love fades. But what really happens is that they fall out of “noticing” each other.

In the early stages of love, noticing comes naturally to us. We remember how our partners take their coffee, the exact way they laugh, or the way they furrow their brow when they’re thinking deeply. But as time passes and routine sets in,

© Psychology Today