If complete, unwavering honesty was indeed always the best policy, sayings like “some things are better left unsaid” wouldn’t have survived generations. The truth is that not all honesty is as helpful as we think it is, and, in a similar vein, not all silence is as deceitful as we’ve been led to believe. Research increasingly suggests that knowing when not to speak can sometimes preserve connection much more safely than brutal honesty ever could.

Here’s what’s perfectly okay to keep to yourself in a relationship, according to psychological research.

It might feel natural for you to point out a change you’ve recently noticed in your partner’s body. Bringing the bit of weight they’ve gained, the few new wrinkles they’ve developed, or the breakout that wasn’t there before to their attention might even seem like a kindness — like you’re helping them look after themselves. After all, we’re told that honesty is part of caring: if you see something, say something.

But when it comes to comments about your partner’s body, even well-intentioned observations can come across as nitpicking. According to research published in Family, Systems, and Health, around 55 percent of individuals will leave a conversation about their weight with their romantic partner feeling worse about themselves. Note that this finding was also irrespective of how the conversation was initially framed.

In other words, whether the comment is gentle (“You’ve filled out a little lately”), joking (“Someone’s been enjoying their dessert!”) or supposedly supportive (“Hey, maybe we should start working out together”), the result is still likely to be the same: insecurity, self-consciousness, and

© Psychology Today