When you ask most people about their self-conceptions, they'll tell you that they consider themselves to be decent people. They don't necessarily think they're good but don't believe they're bad, either. If they were to consciously assess their characters, they could, without too much discomfort, point out their flaws, noting where they fall short. (This is in line with research about how ethical people are, on average.) And if they were to think even more deeply, they would tell you that their hypocrisy, at bottom, is part and parcel of human nature, chiseled away but never fully eradicated. Perfectionists, however, often think differently.

Perfectionists are preoccupied with goodness and being good. Their inner critic is sometimes internal and sometimes external, as when they project their shadows or unacknowledged qualities onto others, perceiving selfishness, greed, envy, and pride solely in them. Perfectionists possess a strong fear of rejection and scorn, believing that goodness always begets rewards and badness is inevitably met with swift punishment. As with all of us, the imprints of their moral concepts are implanted early on; but, in their cases, morality is absolute and rigid, implying a just and predictable world, which is both terrifying and secure. In this world, mere goodness is required for survival, which is possibly the most difficult task any human can undertake.

With a penchant for black-and-white thinking, perfectionists struggle with excessive self-blame, believing themselves to be solely responsible for how people treat them, an example of a cognitive distortion known as personalization. This tendency begins in childhood. Consider Annie. Left on her own, with no one to look after her, Annie wonders what she’s done wrong. Why don’t her parents care enough about her to check in?........

© Psychology Today