It's easy to believe that what we can't handle is so distinct from what we can. And, it's just as easy to consider both as being givens, or those elements of life we have no say in.

When patients enter treatment, they more often than not believe so much of the world is outside of their control, therefore they only focus on what they believe is in their control. People who spend most of their lives working tend to believe that work is more manageable than their non-existent personal lives. Those who become preoccupied with romance tend to believe that they can manage their partner's perceptions of them but can't (or "don't want to") attain independent success. And both realities are in some ways chosen. Here, I mean that the individual infuses their selected area with significance and excitement, albeit unconsciously and automatically, while devaluing any alternative. So, in order for them to allow themselves to shift from one to another, to let's say take time off of work to date, they demand a guarantee that the shift will afford them the same degrees of excitement, confidence, and respite, which they of course seldom do. Yet, the truth is more complicated than the belief that what's stopping them is "just the unknown."

Perfectionists tend to get stuck in some domain of achievement, whether it be personal or interpersonal, providing anyone attempting to persuade them to take risks outside of it with a plethora of reasons for why they either........

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