No one is born feeling ashamed or angry. Chronic, negative, self-conscious emotions are learned from messages conveyed by others, especially by those to whom you are closest. As a child, you don’t understand the nuances of adulthood. You see your parents as omnipotent, even when they are fragile, hostile, or needy. Further, you are completely reliant on them for guidance and safety. So, when a child is shamed or subjected to angry or judgmental criticism, they accept full responsibility for these reactions. Shame shatters a child’s developing sense of self, leading them to believe there are things about them that are inherently wrong and unlovable. When there is no space for a child to find unconditional acceptance of their unique being, they evaluate themselves as worthless. Then the child becomes the adult and can get stuck, ruminating on shame, and never seeing it was passed along to them as well.

Sometimes a negative emotion can provide helpful input. Let’s say you have said or done something that is insensitive or otherwise unacceptable amongst family and friends. Self-reflection and/or social backlash may trigger regret regarding your actions and act as a healthy signal, allowing you to reflect on your behavior to instigate positive change, like apologizing or trying to otherwise fix the situation (Graton & Ric, 2017).

Shame, on the other hand, is the excruciating belief that there is something fundamentally wrong with you, that you are inferior as a person. Rather than prompting you to review a particular negative action to help spur self-improvement, shame is experienced as an indictment of your entire self (Terrizzi & Shook, 2020)—a negative judgment that you are not as good as other people. It is a profoundly destructive emotional experience. Shame is a kind of disgust reflected back on the self. This self-loathing erodes self-esteem and promotes feelings of worthlessness.

A significant percentage of shame stems from the perceptions and actions of others, during childhood, that are internalized as actual truths (Dolezal & Gibson, 2022). Shameful experiences often crystallize into a trait-like proneness to shame (Budiarto & Helmi, 2021).

Childhood seems so short in the span of a person’s lifetime, but individual, family, and/or cultural trauma can be passed along, influencing the recipient's well-being, throughout their lifetime. When trauma is left unresolved in parents or family systems, these experiences can influence the thoughts, beliefs, and actions of their descendants.

Intergenerational trauma is the transmission of the emotional and psychological effects of trauma from one generation to the........

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