Addison rushes into my office, ecstatic about James, whom she’s been dating for three weeks. “I’ve found my soulmate,” she says.

Three months later, she’s devastated that the relationship has ended. She’s had a series of four-month relationships that usually ended badly. “I don’t get romantic love,” she says.

I see this scenario play out frequently. A client gushes that their newest fling is “the one,” casting a relative stranger in the role of their future partner by focusing only on their idealized qualities.

In other words, they are airbrushing their partner.

In the early days of a relationship, it’s tempting to idolize the other person. They’re a blank slate, so it’s easy to project our unconscious fantasies onto them and ignore the signs that they might not be a good match.

Many experience a cognitive bias called the halo effect. In a 1920 study, psychologist Edward Thorndike found that our first impressions of a person can influence how we feel and think about their overall character. This can partially explain how perceiving a few initial good qualities enables people to overlook any bad tendencies.

Signs that you might be airbrushing:

1. Ignoring Relationship Red Flags. At a bridal shower, Bonnie sits in a circle with her 23 friends—all of whom are married or engaged—watching the bride-to-be open gifts. “We need to find you a good man,” someone says to her.

Bonnie politely smiles, but she's mortified. She feels........

© Psychology Today