For those of us who grew up with rejection, disapproval can feel a lot bigger than it actually is.

Childhood rejection can teach us to mistake other people’s disapproval for danger, making us feel unsafe.

Learning to recognize the reason behind this fear can help you recognize that you will still be okay.

“I worry they don’t like me,” I said. I had been telling my therapist about a recent situation with someone in my social circle, a peer I had been trying to connect with but kept feeling like I was failing to win over.

“Can I point something out?” my therapist asked. She said it in that particular way therapists do when they are about to tell you something you probably aren’t going to love hearing.

“Yes,” I said weakly. Uh oh, I thought internally.

“I notice that you are very concerned with whether or not other people like you,” she said in her matter-of-fact way.

“Oh,” I said. Not sure whether I was feeling seen or exposed.

Why does it bother us so much when we learn someone doesn't like us?

My therapist was right. I do get really bothered when I think someone doesn't like me. Even when it's someone who, if I'm being completely honest, I don't particularly like myself.

If I were to think back, I would see a pattern of being so worried when people didn't like me. I remember college days, sitting up late in my dorm with my roommate, going over interactions with peers, worried that I was not liked. That's part of being young, you might think. And you might be right.

But I didn't grow out of it. I am in my late 30s and I still do this. A classmate made an offhand comment to me the other day in reference........

© Psychology Today