Understanding Child Development

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If you grew up emotionally neglected, you may carry quiet beliefs that keep you from closeness.

These beliefs make sharing your feelings seem like a burden, a weakness, or a risk.

Every one of them is false; sharing your feelings actually draws people closer.

You learned these beliefs as a child, which means you can also unlearn them now.

You keep your worries to yourself. You smooth over conflict instead of facing it. When a friend asks how you are, you say you’re fine, even when you are not. None of this feels like a choice; it feels like simply how you are.

As a psychologist who has specialized in childhood emotional neglect for decades, I have come to recognize this pattern and the quiet beliefs underneath it in many warm and capable people. Here are seven of those beliefs. As you read them, put a mental check mark next to any that feel true to you.

Sharing your feelings with others will make you look weak.

It's best not to fight if you want to have a good relationship.

Sharing your feelings or troubles with another person burdens them.

Talking about a problem isn't helpful. Only action solves a problem.

Sharing your feelings or troubles with another person will chase them away.

Letting others see your weaknesses puts you at a disadvantage.

If you let other people see how you feel, they will use it against you.

As you read the list of beliefs above, did any jump out at you? Was there one, or two, or more, that you thought, "Hey, that one's not........

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