Do you want a healthier relationship? We all do, of course. But while mutual trust—the bedrock of any intimate relationship—and respect and empathy are crucial elements of longevity, let’s take a close look at another important aspect of a successful partnership: assertive communication skills. Applying the following techniques will not only improve existing relationships but can heal them as well, provided there is goodwill on both sides. The cliché is true: 10% of conflicts are due to differences of opinion, and 90% are due to wrong tone of voice. Here are four common communication styles.

Aggressive communication tends to leave people feeling violated. Aggressive communication can involve raising your voice, or using intimidation, control, manipulation, and name-calling. Scare tactics such as hostile body postures and even facial expressions can also contribute.

Aggressive communication isn’t usually well-received and tends to promote a defensive stance from the other person, which affects how your message is heard. As a result, this type of communication does not foster deeper connections with others. It separates us from each other and establishes insecure bonds of fear and submissiveness.

In contrast to an aggressive style, passive communication withholds thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that may seem like you’re playing it cool and trying not to rock the boat. But it doesn’t foster healthy interpersonal relationships any better than aggressive styles do.

When you communicate passively, you tend to relate to others apologetically and you don’t express what you really feel. In a sense, you violate your own rights by not being true to what you think and feel. In using this style, your chance of getting what you want is even smaller than when you relate aggressively.

© Psychology Today