At one level, I’m always amazed at how so many of us allow our past selves to have such a big impact on who we are now and how we think, feel, and engage with our world in adulthood. At another level, I’m not the least bit surprised because our childhood experiences that shape our early selves are met by such inexperienced and naïve versions of ourselves.

When we are young, we are unable to put those experiences in the context of our lives and manage the strong and unfamiliar emotions we feel. We lack the pre-frontal cortex development that would enable us to create understanding and perspective, allowing us to manage those early life experiences more effectively.

It is not uncommon for me to hear people discuss their early selves using words like hate, blame, guilt, shame, embarrassment, and revulsion, even decades later. They still carry the burden of their childhoods on their shoulders and in their hearts, even though they are vastly different people now, infused with experience, insights, and perspectives that you might think would enable them to separate themselves from those less developed iterations of themselves. And, most painfully, because many people haven’t made peace with their former selves, this inability to live their adult lives based on who they are rather than who they were interferes with many aspects of their current lives including their happiness, personal growth, goal attainment, and relationships.

Given these challenges, the $64,000 question is: How do you make peace with your past self so you can live a life of meaning, satisfaction, and joy with the latest version of you? In my professional and personal journeys, I have discovered eight steps you can take to find that equanimity with your earlier self that is required for you to feel that same way with your present........

© Psychology Today