The Myth of the Easy Partner
Why Relationships Matter
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The easygoing persona seems emotionally stable, mature, and like a solid romantic partner.
In reality, being consistently "easygoing" can be a defense against conflict or rejection.
Vulnerability through emotional ripples brings people closer.
Knowing yourself and communicating this self (even when it causes conflict) brings greater intimacy.
Sean and Sara have an easygoing relationship. When Sara disappoints him, Sean tells himself not to make a big deal about it. When he is hurt, he tells himself not to be needy or overly dramatic. When what he wants is different than what Sara wants, he says, “No worries, I am flexible.”
Sara has recently expressed that she feels kind of blah in the relationship and lonely. This is confusing to Sean because he tries so hard to be a good partner. At the same time, he does see that for all of their stability, there is a kind of emptiness between them.
The idea of being low maintenance, flexible, and “go with the flow” seems desirable and attractive. This kind of person appears easy to please and emotionally stable… pretty much all the time. Instead of starting fights or being triggered by........
