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Attention-seeking behavior in kids often signals a need for connection with their parent.

Children prefer a parent's playful attention, but they'll settle for frustrated attention.

Ten minutes of daily one-on-one time addresses the root of many attention-seeking behaviors in kids.

This post is part 1 of a series.

Your child has been following you around all morning. You've heard, "Play with meeee" for what seems like the hundredth time. You're exhausted before the day has even started.

It's easy to look at that and think: I need to set a better boundary. But you've already set it, and they're not stopping. So what's actually going on?

Attention-Seeking Behavior Is a Signal

When children show attention-seeking behavior—melting down, refusing to cooperate, climbing all over you while you're trying to drink your coffee—they're usually signaling a need for connection with you. This is especially common with attention-seeking behavior in preschoolers, whose ability to just say, "I miss you, I need more of you," is still developing. When that need isn't being met consistently, children find ways to meet it—and it often involves doing things you don't like.

But children don't always seek connection in ways that look like connection. In her book, Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson describes a wife who would deliberately pick fights with her husband. She explains: When he was disengaged, she didn't know if he cared. When he fought back, she knew he did. Children operate the same way. They'd prefer the fun, playful version of your attention. But they'll take the frustrated "please stop doing........

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