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Why Reasoning With an Upset Child Can Make Things Worse

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22.08.2026

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A highly upset child may temporarily be less able to hear you.

Repeating logical explanations can unintentionally fuel the emotional reactivity.

Parents can lower the temperature by saying less, not more.

Erin, a mom at her wits' end, looked at me pleadingly and said, "Dr. Jeff, what am I missing here? I was being completely reasonable with Paige" (names have been changed to protect privacy). Yes, Erin was being (as she saw it) reasonable as she replayed the recent chaotic episode featuring none other than twelve-year-old Paige.

By the way, the incident Erin was referring to was Paige's recent 12th birthday party. Oh, those wonderful memories that parents get to look back on. If you are wondering what the catalyst was that stoked Paige's ire,........

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