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Parents' inner desire for relief is not betrayal. It is exhaustion.

Fixating on their child's label (e.g., "lazy" or "ADHD") may keep parents from exploring new ways to cope.

Moving from "I know why he's stuck" to curiosity ("What is he actually afraid of?") creates a sense of hope.

A mother I've been coaching said something to me last month that she'd clearly never said to anyone else. We were about 20 minutes into the session, talking through her 27-year-old son's third failed attempt at holding a job, when she stopped mid-sentence and said, "Honestly? I just wish I didn't have to think about him every day." Then she apologized for saying it.

I hear versions of this constantly from parents of struggling adult children. It's rarely the first thing they tell me—usually it comes out after they've already walked me through the diagnosis/condition/descriptive label........

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