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What you say to an angry adult child in the first 60 seconds matters most.

For parents, over-apologizing and defending themselves will backfire.

Three scripts can help parents validate pain without owning blame.

You tell yourself this time with your adult child is going to be a time of connection and positivity—and then, wham!—those painful words arrive without much warning. The parents I see for coaching recount Sunday dinner meltdowns, heated phone calls, or incendiary texts. For sure, I have heard stories of drama and pain during holiday gatherings and even weddings.

The words "You ruined my life," or similarly hurtful phrases, can rip your heart out as a parent. Based on my sessions with many struggling adult children, they are feeling a lot of pain and overwhelming emotions when they say those words. In the moment, parents tend to freeze up and default to one of two failing responses: They either collapse........

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