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Demanding only makes things worse.

Assume your students--human or not--have the best motives.

Play the role of the helpful guide.

Incremental requests are helpful, but coercion is not.

So often, parents, coaches, animal trainers, employers, and, well, even school teachers forget to teach. We assume that our human or animal students know what we are asking them to do.

Why? Because we have already taught the lesson. But do we know for sure that our pupils learned it, consolidated it, can recall it later, are motivated to carry it out, and understand its necessity? Not always.

In the horse world, there’s a common saying among many trainers: “Ask, Tell, Demand.” It means that when we cue a horse to do some particular maneuver—whether simply halting from a walk or a more complex operation like jumping over an eight-foot wall—we ask in increments. That part of the saying makes good........

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