Your brain is not one integrated system. Conscious thoughts, the words that go through your head, occur primarily in your cortex, which is the outer six layers of brain cells. It also processes the conscious aspects of your emotions (the reasons you give for why you are feeling a certain way). But your brain also contains an emotional core, called the limbic system (also referred to as the “emotional brain”). You don’t have direct conscious access to your limbic system, but it stores basic emotional memories from earlier in your life, and it is responsible for much of your emotional experience. Relative to your conscious-thinking cortex, your limbic system may have very different ideas about how you should experience the social world.

How many times have you thought a romantic partner was a bad choice, but you kept going out with them anyway? Or what about the time you were with someone you really liked but you got so nervous that you froze, shut down, and got awkward? And most of us have had the experience of knowing we should not say or do something... but then barrel forward as if lacking brakes and say or do the thing anyway. Depending on what your attachment style is, the conflict between your two brain systems can have disastrous relationship consequences.

Your attachment style has a lot to do with the strength of the connection between the two systems and how much you can trust the output of your limbic system and the conclusions........

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