Recently I found myself sitting next to someone I didn’t know well on the first anniversary of her son’s death. What to say?

“I know this is a difficult day,” I offered.

She looked at me, startled then said, “Thank you for saying that. No one has mentioned him.”

“Tell me about him,” I said.

What followed was a memorable conversation, not only for what I learned about her remarkable son, but also for the lessons she offered about how well-intended attempts to help can often miss the mark.

In researching my upcoming book on how to boost resilience during difficult times, I interviewed many who were devastated by loss. I came away with important insights about how to best connect with those who are grieving, including this one: acknowledging someone's pain bolsters connection, serving as a balm, and talking about their loved one brings comfort, not distress.

Suffering is inevitable for all of us; so too is grief. A parable captures this truth: a young mother, inconsolable after her child’s death, begs the Buddha to restore her child to life. He agrees on the condition that she collect a single mustard seed from any family in her village untouched by death. The mother returns empty-handed. Every household had experienced loss. But her sorrow is softened by the acceptance that death is inescapable, and it's transformed into compassion by her newfound understanding that we are all bound together by the universality of grief.

This is why learning to grieve is as fundamental a life skill as learning to tie your shoes and program the remote control. It is important to learn how to suffer well. Central to this life skill is learning how to best support those in your community who are grieving.

Studies have confirmed the experiences of those I interviewed: for those grieving, community is not a luxury; it's a necessary lifeline. It's been found that bereaved individuals who maintained strong social connections were far more resilient after loss than those who avoided engagement. The offer of friendship and practical........

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