Given the state of the world, many of my clients and friends are struggling to find joy—or even hope.

Take Jim, for example. He’d been feeling down and “blah,” so he decided to take matters into his own hands. He went out more with friends, picked up hiking again, and even started piano lessons. But no matter how hard he tried, joy still felt out of reach.
“What’s wrong with me?” he wondered.

If you’ve ever asked yourself the same question, you’re not alone. Maybe you've tried filling your calendar with activities—weekend getaways, new hobbies, even a different relationship—only to find that nothing lifts your spirits the way you hoped it would.

Here’s the truth: There’s nothing wrong with wanting more joy, especially when reality feels heavy. But the reason joy might be eluding you isn’t because you’re doing the wrong things—it’s because you're doing things to get joy rather than doing things with joy.
Joy is a choice, not a reward.
It’s less about what we do and more about how we do it.

Think of it like going on a first date, pressuring yourself to feel chemistry instead of simply being open to the moment. Or going on vacation with the expectation that it must be the best trip ever, rather than appreciating the small joys of being away from daily demands.

Joy is more available than we think—we just don’t choose it often enough. And while it doesn’t always show up like a happy puppy rolling in the grass, joy has many expressions:

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