It is the rare man or woman who easily builds deeply rewarding intimate relationships. Many people find that building a lasting romantically intimate relationship is an elusive quest, one that often feels cruelly just out of reach.

Although a variety of factors contribute to this problem, one common reason is that the fear of being hurt is so strong and pervasive that it leads people to push others away unintentionally. This is called "rejection sensitivity."1

Rejection-sensitive people deeply wish to establish rewarding intimate relationships, but they are convinced that potential partners will in some way hurt or betray them. This is similar to someone who spends the night in what is thought to be a haunted house and subsequently perceives every gust of wind against the windows and every floorboard creak that comes from the house settling as the sign of a ghost.

Rejection-sensitive people misinterpret the behavior of their love interests, reading too much into what are genuinely innocent gaffs or clumsy statements. These misunderstandings lead to conflict and the eventual end of the relationship.

Such tendencies to overreact create a perpetual cycle of failed intimate relationships and eventually cement the belief that others cannot be trusted. This creates a foundation upon which, not surprisingly, no romance ever flourishes and grows into a deeply satisfying intimate bond.

Were these men and women able to gain some........

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