Everyone needs you. No one knows you. Being depended on can quietly replace being seen.

The person everyone leans on is the person nobody checks on.

The way out isn’t being needed less. It’s being seen: Show your uncertainty, not just your competence.

A few months ago, a member of my team messaged me on WhatsApp. It wasn’t about a project or a deadline. It was much simpler than that.

“How are you doing?” he asked. “Because it’s a lot right now—work, family, the whole roller coaster of life’s journey.”

That was it. Just that. There’s a lot going on. How are you?

I did what I always do: I turned the conversation back outward. I reassured him. I told him I was good. I told him that keeping my eye on the prize kept me motivated, and that making my team successful made me happy.

Every word in my answer was and remains true. But it’s also just the type of response that leaders learn to give. Because leaders need to have the answers. And when they don’t, they need to be able to bear the weight of the uncertainty—alone. Their team needs to feel: He’s got this. We’re going to be alright.

It’s just part of the role to perform competence and calm and cheerfulness, especially when you don’t feel it. And most leaders I know don’t complain about this. They just do it. But they pay a price for doing it, one that is easy to ignore because at first glance it doesn’t look like there’s a price at all.

The price is loneliness.

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