You feel it when it lands: the comment that blindsides you and hits below the belt. It can happen with a group of friends at dinner, at an office function, or at any other type of social gathering. It might be delivered with a laugh or in a "friendly" tone, but the words still sting: “You're just not that smart. But that’s OK. We’ll do your thinking for you!"

You wonder: How can someone say something so noxious yet camouflage it as “normal conversation”? Your impulse may be to defend yourself and remind them of your education and professional status, but then you appear defensive and insecure.

A plan for these types of situations may help. Four emotionally intelligent maneuvers can help you flip the script.

First, appear indifferent. You may not feel calm, internally, but try to seem completely unaffected. This requires emotional regulation, which is achieved by refraining from immediately reacting. Instead, coach yourself to stay calm and quickly think through the scenario.

Second, if you can, ignore and dismiss the comment as if it were nothing. You are rendering the offender’s sentiment powerless........

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