Praise. Universally good, right? Those of you who are fans of Alfie Kohn’s (2018) work know it isn’t. Praise comes with baggage. I (EB) was reminded of another downside by a young adult patient who sees praise as invalidating or dismissive of a person’s experience.

What about this exchange?

Person: “I can’t do it.”

Response: “Yes, you can. You are so amazing and strong.”

Generally, we would see the exchange above, especially if delivered with a warm and positive tone, as a wonderful thing to say. Is the message above an endorsement of the person’s strength? Or is the underlying message, “Stop your bellyaching and do it,” or “Since I don’t believe you can’t, I am not going to help you”?

What about this exchange?

Person: “I feel so ugly.”

Response: “Don’t feel like that. You are beautiful.”

This is a hard one. You would hardly expect a decent person to say, “Yeah, you are.” What if that is how the person truly feels? The response, though seemingly........

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