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Forced apologies teach insincerity, not genuine regret or behavior change.

Victims are often required to accept apologies, ignoring their needs or feelings.

Compelled apologies may allow harmful behavior to cycle without real consequences.

A personal story encapsulates many of the issues I (EB) have with forced apologies.

When my daughter was in fourth grade, she encountered a challenging peer. It first came to my attention when another parent, who had observed the activities of the after-school program at her own child’s pickup, told me that my daughter was being “bullied.” The child who was reportedly bullying her was in fifth grade and struggling. Interestingly, neither the program's staff nor my daughter alerted me to this problem.

Once it was on my radar, I was able to attain a lot of information from the after-school program. I found out that this boy was drawing cartoons in which he killed my daughter and her best friend. One day, he chased her around the gym, screaming, “I’m going to give you pain,” which the school team at first........

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