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The pain of losing a child can make many parents question the value of continuing to live.

Such thoughts are best viewed as a barometer of the depth of our pain rather than suicidal ideation.

Dark thoughts of this nature often accompany grief spikes, particularly around anniversaries.

Such pain is ephemeral and can lead to hidden, existential gifts.

I am writing this post primarily from the standpoint of a father who has lost a son. I am also a psychologist, and some of that perspective will undoubtedly seep into my writing. I want to talk about how the grief that I experience over my son’s death is so profound that I often question the value of continuing to live.

I am writing about this topic for two reasons. First, in consulting with grief experts, I have learned that such feelings are common with parents who have lost a child as well as many people who have suffered a loss of a similar magnitude. It is futile to predict how a loss will affect grief in each person; however, losing a child is clearly the source of the most profound emotional suffering of this nature. My hope is that discussing the uncomfortable subject of losing one’s desire to live will resonate with some parents and provide a sense of hope for coping with their darkest moments. With respect to the latter, I will finish this writing with two approaches to coping with grief when it reaches its most excruciating levels.

I lost Bill four years ago. The pain of realizing that he is no longer alive pops into my consciousness, unannounced, at random moments. When this happens, my internal experience is that I have just lost my son, or that I have lost him only yesterday. I have this type of grief spike when I am asleep and dreaming, when I awaken from a nap, or when I encounter an experience that reminds me of who he was (e.g., seeing a drum line marching, or finding a long-lost picture). When this happens, I often flash back to the........

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