Here’s a secret about the psychological life of a psychotherapist: your therapist gets a lot of psychological needs met through their clients. Your therapist typically experiences intimacy, attachment, and connection. They (usually) feel valued and appreciated. They (usually) experience a sense of purpose.

But—unless the therapist is narcissistic—these rewards are not purposeful.

These are wonderful fringe benefits of doing some really tough work in service to you. If you get the creepy feeling that your therapist is actually seeking these rewards from their relationship with you, and that they are subtly maneuvering to get a certain positive response from you, then you are in the wrong........

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