Individuals with symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) often lash out hurtfully at others. This may be in response to provocation such as frustration, disagreement, or disappointment, or it might seem to be unprovoked. The lashing out often takes the form of saying hurtful things or committing destructive acts toward those they are closest to. Understanding this behavior as an expression of their disorder will offer you tools to relate without being hurt by these episodes.

Hurtful lashing-out behaviors are common in those who suffer from BPD. This typically happens when they become frustrated because they cannot get their way or when others disagree with them, which they experience as being offensive. These episodes are sometimes initiated by the symptomatic person with a phone call, email, or text.

Following is a typical example of seemingly unprovoked lashing out. Tim answers his telephone on Sunday morning and speaks to his mother who has symptoms of BPD.

Tim: Hi Mom.

Mom: You remember that you have a mother?

Tim: What are you talking about?

Mom: You didn’t call me.

Tim: When didn’t I call you?

Mom: Yesterday. I waited all day for your call, which didn’t come.

Tim: I didn’t know you were expecting a call.

Mom: You always call me on Saturday.

Tim: I called you last Saturday. I didn’t commit to calling you every Saturday.

Mom: I am sure you........

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