Why Relationships Matter

Take our Can You Spot Red Flags In A Relationship?

Find a therapist to strengthen relationships

Distance can be physical, emotional, or mental, even when we are physically together.

Distance can help us manage feelings we aren't always aware of or able to express.

For some gay men, privacy and distance can become ways of protecting themselves in relationships.

When I was an associate marriage and family therapist, a common theme that would continue to appear in my client case presentations during supervision was distance regulation.

At the time, I hadn’t heard of the term. It wasn’t something I learned about in graduate school. But the more clients I began working with, the more distance regulation became a common theme.

Whether it was in individual or couples therapy, people would often seek therapy because of communication challenges in their relationships.

In the process of learning their history, I would tune into patterns, how people responded, whether a partner was hyper- or hypo-aroused, and I would begin to identify their defenses. I learned that what could look maladaptive in someone’s current life was often a coping strategy they adopted early on to take care of themselves.

Distance regulation is a concept to describe how people manage the amount of space they have in their relationships. It can be physical, emotional, or even mental. For some people, creating distance is an important way of........

© Psychology Today