I’m a people pleaser, which makes me a dishonest person. This admission is a jarring contradiction for a therapist, yet it is an inescapable truth. I’ve spent years guiding others toward authenticity and emotional health, all the while masking my own struggles behind a veneer of affability and accommodation.

The roots of my people-pleasing tendencies are deeply intertwined with my experiences as a Black woman. Growing up, I learned that compliance and agreeableness were often necessary for survival and acceptance in both personal and professional spaces. This behavior, while socially rewarded, has significantly impacted my mental and emotional well-being.

Code-switching, a common strategy for navigating different social contexts, is essentially a sophisticated form of people-pleasing. Within communities of color, it can be particularly pronounced due to the pressures of systemic racism and cultural expectations. I often found myself adapting my behavior to shield myself from the harshest realities of racial bias. This was not merely about being liked, but about navigating a society that frequently undervalues Black voices.

Code-switching is a form of people-pleasing deeply embedded in the experiences of many people of color. The concept of code-switching can manifest in various ways; however, I will focus on when a person of color modifies their behavior, dialect, speech, appearance, etc. to fit into the dominant culture. Like when a person of color changes their speech patterns to sound more "white." Or adopting Western names or altering the pronunciation of ethnic names to be more palatable. Even adjusting one’s dress or mannerisms to fit in more seamlessly in professional or academic settings. Code-switching is, at its core, a form of people-pleasing, a way to avoid conflict and gain acceptance.

While code-switching can be........

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