Anyone who’s ever attended an Al-Anon meeting knows that detachment looms large in the toolkit of suggestions for coping with an addicted loved one. “Detach with love if you want to preserve your sanity,” we’re told.

Which is all well and good, you may think, but what about our loved one? Don’t we have a duty to try to help? Doesn’t detachment seem a little bit—selfish? A little bit like—well, giving up?

It can definitely feel that way at first. Especially if we’ve come to believe that our loved ones can’t get sober without us. But here’s the problem: the longer we’re with them on the roller coaster of addiction, the less able we are to be helpful in any meaningful way. When we’re right there with them through those peaks and valleys, we’re not able to step back, regain our balance, and offer the kind of clear-sighted support that might make a difference.

Detachment is neither unloving nor unkind. It’s simply accepting the fact that we can’t live our loved ones’ lives for them. In fact, detaching with love is one of the best things we can do for an addicted loved one. Here are eight reasons why:

1. Detachment lets fresh air into your relationship. If you’re involved with someone with substance use disorder, chances are your relationship has become unhealthy. In our efforts to rescue our loved ones from their self-destructive choices,........

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