Being in a relationship with a narcissist is an emotionally and psychologically draining experience. It can wreck your sense of self, confidence, joy, and more. Many of us who interact with narcissists, either in our family, at work, or in our friend group, feel that if we can just explain how we are feeling, or how their actions make us feel, we can get them to see the light and start treating people better. Unfortunately, these conversations are very rarely productive. Instead, they offer more fodder for the narcissist to blame you for making everything so bad.

Why do they act like this? Why do they bring so much negativity, shame, and ugliness into the lives of those around them? One reason has to do with how they think.

We all have an automatic thought network that produces our inner monologue—the random thoughts that stream through our heads all day long. Called the default mode network, these brain areas work together to make sure you are safe. The problem is........

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