Twins often struggle to separate their own identity from their sibling, even in adulthood.

Seeing oneself without the twin’s reflection can require conscious effort and emotional work.

Individuality for twins grows alongside the twin bond, not in isolation from it.

Psychologically speaking, twins are born as twins and as individuals with a passion for their individuality and the fun and comfort of having someone who understands them very deeply. Side by side and intertwined, both identities continue to grow and mature together. Once a twin, always a twin, even though the nature of the twin relationship changes over time and with the environmental and internal stress that creates necessity for many types of significant life changes.

Unlike single born children, individuality evolves in the context of being a twin. And twinship always includes individuality in spite of a desperate need for closeness that twins share. In contrast, I consult with an adult twin who always wants to consider what it would be like to grow up as a single person. She wonders how different her decisions would be if she had no one to consider what she was going to do. But I can only guess about singleton status because I am a twin myself who wishes I could answer her question. Unfortunately I have not found the answer as yet, although I have really tried.

When I look in the mirror I always see my sister staring at me and she sees me looking at her. Are we staring at each other or is this a side effect of being a twin? Often I say to myself, “Try not to see her,” but I can't do it........

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