Twins of differing ages, from infants and children to adults, experience the loss of their twin in different ways. But always, no matter what, this is a devastating, highly sensitive and traumatic event for the twin who survives. It is sad and frightening even for the surviving twin’s family and close friends, and takes a long time to process.

Perhaps young twins suffer more and in a different way and for a longer time because communicating their sense of emptiness and loneliness is extremely difficult. In some situations, non-verbal children will have behavioral problems that serve as clues to the terrible pain of losing their twin. For example, fighting with their parents (the bearers of the bad news), crying, and general unhappiness can be observed when a twin realizes his or her co-twin is not by their side and can’t be found in any of the usual places.

There are different pathways that can help grieving twins. Often, later in life, memories of the lost twin will be recovered in bits and pieces. Many twins try to process their thoughts, feelings and reactions with the help of a professional or by writing a journal or book, or constructing a work of art. It is hopefully much less painful when the lost twin is talked about and understood in perspective. I would urge you not to give up on re-telling your twin loss experience.

Twins who are struggling with twin loss ask themselves and close others: Will I recover from the permanent absence of my twin sister or brother? Many twins have anticipated that when they do lose their twin, they will have difficulty getting on with their lives. Clearly, anticipation of the loss and the actual loss itself is frightening and overwhelming for the majority of twins who I have met in my research, teaching and consultations.

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The reason the experience of twin loss is perhaps the most difficult loss to........

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