Divorce is experienced by children as a loss, and that loss can lead them to feel grief, but the experience doesn't need to be traumatic. They can work through grief and eventually move past it, while trauma has long-lasting effects. Understanding the difference between grief and trauma may help to decrease the fear many parents have about divorce.

Eleven-year-old Emily feels increasingly isolated as she navigates her parents’ divorce. Her parents are consumed by their own conflict, and her mom, though often physically present, is overwhelmed by her emotions and financial stress. When Emily hears her mother say, “If only I had help paying for all this,” she fears becoming a burden, so she starts to withdraw. She has been spending more time alone in her room and less time engaging in activities she used to enjoy. Her grades have been slipping. She used to have a voracious appetite, but now she takes little joy in food.

When her mom asks how she is, Emily responds with “I’m fine.” Her mom takes that at face value.

Her dad complains Emily is always yelling at him, saying she hates him. He says, “Fine, be that way, go live with your mom!” Then he mutters loud enough for Emily to hear, “I didn’t ask for this divorce.”

Like Emily’s parents, many divorcing parents fail to spot the grief their kid is going through. They miss the real emotion masked by “I’m fine” or mistake sullen or angry behavior as disobedience or........

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