Once, on a tour I was on, there were two women who were blind. The experiences of being with them couldn’t have been starker. Lee groused that others travelers either ignored her—“No one helps me with my luggage!”—or they were condescending to her—“I can open the door myself!” Paula was the opposite. She didn’t complain about either the lack of assistance or being patronized by others in the group.

I could speculate about why Lee was perpetually angry while Paula was exhilarated by the trip. Perhaps they had had different life experiences or it may be that their demeanor reflected their personalities. What the two women did display, whatever the roots, was the conflict between acceptance and change. Two contradictory impulses were on display: accepting ourselves as we are and acceptance as a means of personal change. Lee finished the trip as she started: complaining, sour, and unchanged. By contrast, Paula was thrilled by........

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