​Divorce professionals see many issues that cause divorce. Read about the most common causes here.

Many years ago, I worked with a family that was going through a painful divorce after the husband admitted that he had been unfaithful and was gay. After the divorce, he contracted AIDS. He felt deep shame at having exposed his wife. He felt he’d betrayed himself and his family.

He had been secretly seeing a lover for several years. His wife was hurt, upset, and worried about her health, but she also loved her husband. Finally, remarkably, her husband and his partner moved back into the family home. She nursed them both through their illnesses until their deaths.

Every divorce is complex. It can be further complicated when one spouse comes out, which affects each member of the family differently.

Coming out can bring a sense of relief and authenticity. Often the spouse has held the “secret” with guilt, shame, and fear, and may have lived a false life. They may feel joy at being able now to live an authentic life.

Simultaneously, they may feel guilt and shame for the pain they have caused their families and from societal or cultural stigma. They may suffer remorse for actions during the marriage, such as living a “secret life.”

Fear and anxiety are typical in divorce. With treatments available, the fear of AIDS has decreased. However, there is fear about the future, potential loss of relationships, and financial stability. They may worry about their children’s (and others’) acceptance of their new identity.

Betrayal and Anger: The heterosexual or the “left spouse” might feel betrayed, believing that their marriage was based on false premises, especially if their spouse has led a secret life. If blindsided by their spouse’s revelation,........

© Psychology Today