It took me years to realize this: I am no one.

That realization changed how I relate to myself and others.

At some point in adulthood, many of us run into an unsettling problem.

We have done many things.
We carry many roles.
We are useful, and productive.

And yet, when we are by ourselves, we ask ourselves, Who am I, beyond what I do for others?

During our busy days, we do not have time to think about it. And when we do, we do not ask this question directly. We answer it indirectly. We answer with roles and identities:

“I’m a parent.” “
I am a daughter.”
“I’m a researcher.”
“I’m strong.”
“I’m the responsible one.”
“I have to hold it together.”

At some point in my life, these roles and responsibilities began to lose their emotional attachment to me.

How?

I notice this unsettling feeling when I listen to how people describe me.

To my mother, I am a daughter who avoids depth, who does not bring up old memories or pain that might disrupt our “safe” relationship dynamic. I know she does not welcome those conversations. With her, I remain surface-level.

To my children, I am simply the person who works too much and sometimes forgets to make dinner.

And friends? Well, that question feels complicated. I have people in my life whom I care about, each connected to a specific context or role. Yet I am not sure any of them fit what I think of as “friendship.” For a long time, I wondered if something was wrong with me. With the pace of my life, maintaining friendships feels increasingly........

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