California, here we come — right back where sex started from. Covered wagons. Uncovered women. IQ rated by a tape measure. Hollywood. Fire hydrants spout seltzer. Bathtubs leave 14-karat rings. And Monday begins The California Post.

Big time? Classy? Rich? Please. Their minks have sable coats. Wallets? Classified as carry-on luggage. One high school’s Our Lady of the Dow Jones Average.

Agriculture? Please. It cultivated flowers like Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Hedy Lamarr, Rita Hayworth, Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn, Lana Turner, Grace Kelly. Very few were born in a California manger. Those stalls are for Aston Martins.

Ava Gardner? Her birth was in — ready? — Grabtown, N.C., which she quickly traded for a chauffeured Rolls plus a satisfying Sinatra who — boy, did he not have to be told which way to go.

So: Why might California........

© New York Post