After almost 10 years of blessedly peaceful singleness, I think I may finally be ready to commit to marriage. Not to a straight man, you understand. Eeeewww. No, to a gay man looking to split the bills and go antiquing on the weekend. Yes, folks. The lavender marriage is back. Well, kind of.

The original lavender marriage was a survival strategy whereby a man and a woman entered into a marriage to conceal the true sexuality of one or both of them. This has been happening for as long as queer sexualities have been criminalised and stigmatised, and continues to happen in cultures where persecution occurs. The colour purple has been associated with lesbianism and homosexuality since the time of Ancient Greek poet Sappho, hence “lavender”.

The golden age of Hollywood was famous for setting up lavender marriages to protect the reputations of its leading men and ladies. Those between Rudolph Valentino and Jean Acker Read, Rock Hudson and Phyllis Gates, and Janet Gaynor and Gilbert Adrian were some of the most well-known.

But I don’t want to marry a gay man in order to boost his chances of winning an Oscar or to avoid the vice squad – although let it be known, should homosexuality ever be criminalised again, I will be quite happy to do so. Sign me up. I’ll take several.

No, I would consider this because being single is damn expensive, I am exhausted with straight men, and, as far as I can work out, most marriages end up being sexless and full of infidelity anyway. At least if you both........

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